I.  Bintel Brief 				Saturday, Dec. 17, 1932

Their son is studying medicine
and he is in love with a girl

He will finish his studies in 5 years
hence should he get himself involved
with a girl.


Dear Editor of the forward

I am a mother from two children,
a son of 23 yrs.  & a daughter of 11 yrs.
My husband is a simple working man.
All his years he has been working very
hard & we were saving penny to penny
and we did not allow ourselves ever 
to go for a vacation in the country
in order to save a few dollars - not
too much but enough to be able 
to send our son to study medicine.
He is studying in Paris, France because
in America he was unable to gain 
admission to a medical school.  This 
study abroad is costing extra money.
Times now are very bad.  My husband
does not work a full week and the pay
envelope is very meager.  You can
understand how bad our financial
situation is because we are unable
to give our daughter piano lessons
because we need every penny
to send our son to medical school.
And now I am coming to my
point that forces me to write to you.
	My son is now completing his second
year in medical school.  He leaves for 
school in the fall and comes home to 
us in the summer months.  Now, 2
years ago he met a young lady,
who turned his head.  He fell in love
with her.  We know the young lady
& her parents and we have nothing
against her or them.  But I am not interested
that the young lady become his 
bride for several reasons.  First, my
son must study without any problem,
or difficulty.  Second, he will need
another six or seven years including
a hospital internship before he
will be able to start practicing 
medicine.  And during all this time
what will his young lady do?  Wait
for him?  I discuss the problem with
my son all the time and I discuss with
him & tell him that he has no right
to get involved with a girl at this time.
I tell him that when he will finish
his studies & his internship and
when he will have an office and a
practice started then he will have
plenty of time to think about
such matters as falling in love.
If her parents would have the financial
means to help him financially in
order that we shouldn't have 
to suffer the cost of being in school I
would come to terms with the 
situation.  But the girl's parents
are such people that they have 
no worries about what will
happen tomorrow.  They live just
for today and because of that they
did not send their children 
to study as we sent our child.
The girl is not earning any money
and she is already past 20 yrs.
What sort of a plan is it for her to wait
all these years.  I understand very
well my son's feelings.  He is
still a young man he loves the girl.
But if he wants to study and make
a career for himself then he must
give her up.  That is my opinion.
And also that of my husband and we
have explained it to our son.  He
understands with his head but his
heart tells him otherwise and we
know that his heart is duping him.
Please dear editor give us your
opinion are we doing the right
thing that we are trying to keep our
son away from this girl?  Are we such
stone-hearted parents?
	Sincerely yours,
		Momma & Daddy


[The letter was written by Bernard E. Mishuris, dictated by his mother Tsipora Mishuris.  The subject concerned Bernard's engagement to Frances Lieberman]



II.  Reply


No!  You are not acting correctly
that your are trying to keep your
son away from that young
lady.  All the reasons that 
the writer of this letter is giving
are not giving her any moral
right to behave the way she does.
We feel that the real truth that
the writer did not reveal (she is
only lightly touching on the subject)
is this:  she wants a rich girl
for her son the future doctor.  It
would not be bad to have a little money
this is actually the dream that
warm desire from mothers & fathers
whose sons are studying to be 
doctors or any other profession.
But now comes the question.  What
happens when a future doctor or lawyer
falls in love with a poor girl & he has
no thought about getting a dowery.
He finds his luck in the girl's person (soul)
in his love for her.  Should a mother 
& father destroy their child's feelings.
Do they have a moral right to do so.
Our answer is "NO".  The writer talks with
a derogatory tone about the young lady
She says the young lady has her son's 
head turned around.  Is this writer
absolutely sure about that because
later on in the letter she says that she
understands her son's feelings and
she knows he is very much in love
with the young lady but his emotions
overrule his reason.  The way we
see it that the young couple are
very much in love with each
other & the proof of the pudding
is that the son is not listening to
his parents protests.  If this writer
would have good reason against
this future marriage, for instance
if this girl would not be a nice person
and if her parents would not be 
nice people then we would have
a different idea of this problem, but
the only complaint this writer has
against the girl is that she is poor.
There is an old saying that poverty
is not a crime.  And our final saying
is that any interference in this matter
may lead to more unhappy 
and unpleasant problems.


III.  Reply from Morning Journal 	Oct 20, 1932
	My dear little girl you make
a mountain out of a mole hill and
you give aggravation to your son without
any reason.  Your son is 23 yrs old & is
in love with a girl and that's a perfectly
natural thing to do.  A young man of this
age who is healthy physically and who
has eyes to see and a heart to feel is a
natural thing to do.  You should thank god that
he fell in love with a nice gentle young lady.  A
Jewish girl and not a gentile.  The girl is 3 yrs
younger than your son & is educated & a
piano teacher and she is also in love with
him.  Where could you find a nicer bride for
him.  If you are a good mother you would like
to see your son happy so leave him alone
and let him love this young lady & his 
young lady will be your son's happiness.
He is behaving intelligently because he
is not interrupting his studies because
of the girl.  They are both in love with each
other & are willing to wait.  Why should
it bother you that they are living with 
this type of sweet hope?  You would like to
ensure what will be 5 years later
when your son will finish his studies,
when your son will need money to open
his office.  This is very foolish.  Nobody knows
what tomorrow will bring no 
less what will happen 5 yrs hence.
In 5 yrs things can happen - Maybe
in 5 yrs the girl's parents will become
rich & the girl will have a nice dowry
for your son.  In 5 yrs this girl can find
a richer & younger man or your 
son can fall out of love with this girl
& fall in love with somebody else.
How would you feel if your son
will fall in love with a French girl
in Paris and there are many pretty
girls there and with whom you wouldn't
be even able to communicate with.  This girl
here shows that he will not be interested 
in a French girl.  Actually I do not
hold for long engagements & it will be
more difficult for the young lady 
to wait all these years than it will
be for your son.  Four or five years
in the life of a young girl who
is in her bloom and waiting for
her beloved is giving up any chance
to meet another young man.  But
if this young lady is so in love with
this young man you have no
right to interfere.  Naturally what 
your son says if you will not help him
finish his studies he will help himself.
That is foolish without your help
and if he should try to do it without
your help, it will affect his health 
& perhaps his life and you as an
intelligent mother should not hold
the Sword of Damacles over his head.
No greater calamity should ever happen
in a Jewish family when a young
man falls in love with a nice 
Jewish girl - with or without
a dowry.  One can find a girl with
a large dowry & can be very 
unhappy & on the other hand
one can live very happily with
a young lady who did not
bring any dowry to the wedding.
It's how the luck turns.
Therefore I am advising you
to stop aggravating yourself,
aggravating your son and
don't do anything to break up
this relationship.  On the other
hand you should cheer them up,
invite the young lady to your
home & be courteous to her
& don't worry what will be
5 yrs from now.


[transcribed to digital format Jan. 7, 2000 by Dave Lewak, grandson of Bernard and Frances Mishuris]